major_west | 043 - FILTERED FROM JIM (using the raw power of his hatred)

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043 - FILTERED FROM JIM (using the raw power of his hatred)

I'm not used to people looking out for me. It's a funny sort of role reversal. This entire experience has been one strange, mad event after another and ~~I don't know who I am anymore~~ I feel out of sorts.

I don't know if I want to be here anymore.

Well. Anyway. The door's back.

[OOC: AS USUAL, whenever people get too close to him, he freaks out and pulls away. Strikes can be deciphered if you really care enough to squint]

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Who I was before I came here.

Which was what? And why did you change?

~~cold~~ ~~ruthless--~~ Pragmatic is the word I would use. I had to push away 'softer' emotions to survive.

Because the circumstances changed.

Do you want to be that way again?

No.

But I can't be anything else with him here. I won't allow him to see me any other way.

Not to be insensitive, Henry, but why should you let someone you hate determine who you should be now?

Because I'll not appear weak in front of him.

You're not weak, nor do you appear weak.

That's kind of you to say, but you know as well as I that is simply not true.

Edited 2008-09-29 01:37 (UTC)

Horseshit.

I screamed in my sleep every night for the first two months I was here, didn't I? I've lost my temper over the most inane little things here. I drink all the time to escape my problems, and if somebody so much as taps me on the shoulder, I panic and think I'm back home.

Honestly, how would a change to what I was not be an improvement?

Because a normal person would do all of those things.

Did you? You came from a wretched situation, too.

I had terrible dreams starting out too. Perhaps not as bad as yours. I could hear you.

But it was a long time before Romana could convince me to come out of my ~~cell~~ cabin. I was afraid to. You spend so long in a cage and you tend to forget what it is like not to have your door locked at all times.

That isn't weak. You've always been stronger than me.

Ah me! It's important to keep up certain appearances, Henry. You came here and were able to drop your facade and no one thinks differently of you.

You have no qualms until this boy comes along.

Me?

Well -- it does no good for me to say you should be yourself when I do not wear my heart on my sleeve at all times, either. You have one boy to worry about, and I've every dangerous man on this barge out for my blood, half of them for something I did not even do. I'm fucking terrified.

There are times when I think the last weeks would have been unbearable if I could not have taken solace in you.

I'm sorry.

I tried to convince them that you didn't do it, but nobody's willing to believe me. I think they suspect...

How's your wrist?

Doing much better. Can you tell?

You've no need to apologize. If I had published a story I would have seen the same outcry. There were plenty that wanted me dead before that last one came out.

That's the trouble with being yourself and dealing with fear. Integrity may be worth dying for but it's still not the most enjoyable of choices.

It does look less scribbly.

True.

For all my rudeness when we first met... I really did admire you.

I've had worse things said to me, believe me. Thank you.

I suspect.

So... how are you feeling, overall? Still bedridden?

I get up and about when Romana isn't here to tell me not to. I feel a lot weaker. But I'm getting better. At least my head doesn't hurt anymore. At least so long as I don't touch it.

Would you like some company?

I would adore a little company, Henry

I'll be right over.

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043 - FILTERED FROM JIM (using the raw power of his hatred)

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Private - after a very long pause

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Private - I'm assuming this takes place before he made his date with Horrible