072

[major_west]

I've considered writing something more eloquent; however, I don't really see the point right now, so I'll simply lay it out: I don't understand how things work here. I don't understand how we are expected to undergo these floods, these ports, and now-- most recently-- this "invasion," and gain anything positive from what is, essentially, torture manipulation. It seems very... Old Testament, an "eye for an eye" sort of affair. At least, this has been my own personal experience here. I've done terrible things to people, and in return, I have to have terrible things done to me in excess in order to... repent? Absolve myself? Become "good enough" to deserve some vague sort of reward? Am I expected to repress everything and smile, move on to the next violation of my very self? I can do it-- I'm no stranger to repression, after all-- but I'm not going to gain anything from it.

I wasn't wrong.

I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden. I utterly detest the Wardens. What reason do I have to graduate?

Well. It's something to think about.

My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.

[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]

Comments

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

You mistake me if you think I speak of punishment. I speak of redemption and making amends. Have you done that?

[major-west.livejournal.com]

Punishment and amends seem to be intricately tied together here. Any changes I've made have only been in reaction to manipulation, nothing genuine.

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

Then perhaps you should rethink your reactions and your assessment. I wasn't given to believe the purpose here was punishment.

[major-west.livejournal.com]

Well, you're in the fortunate position of being a warden.

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

That doesn't mean I have nothing to make amends for. It simply means I came to that realization during my lifetime and am doing something to fix it voluntarily. What realizations have you made, monsieur?

[major-west.livejournal.com]

The realisation that in trying to save people, I was only damning myself.

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

I am new here, so I don't know your... case. What were your crimes?

Sorry, he tends to clam up about them!

[major-west.livejournal.com]

I adapted to a world filled with monsters.

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

What kind of monsters? You need to tell me more if you wish me to form an honest opinion.

[major-west.livejournal.com]

People doing what comes naturally to them. The only difference was, in my world they no longer had any inhibitions.

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

And this led you to commit crimes?

[major-west.livejournal.com]

To protect the survivors. I didn't don't consider them crimes at the time.

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

Do you drink tea, monsieur? Would you like to meet with me for a cup or two? I would like to talk to you more in depth and give you perhaps a little privacy.

I'm Armand St. Just.

[major-west.livejournal.com]

I'm not opposed to tea, but I don't want to talk about what I've done.

Major Henry West.

[young-idealist.livejournal.com]

I wish you and your warden luck, though with that attitude, no wonder you're not getting very far.

Adieu, Major West.

[major-west.livejournal.com]

I'm here against my will, with no real incentive to change. Of course I'm not getting far.

Goodbye.